Skip to main content

Don't Overthink Hospitality


I sat on the picnic bench at the playground across the street, watching my son and his friends chase each other around. “You seem to have this kid-birthday-party thing down.” said another mother. I shrugged and I think I remembered to say thank you. It was a very simple party, which is why I was able to pull it off. And that's the secret, if such a thing can be called a secret. I know my limits. I cannot pull off a four course dinner party, so I serve family style. (Though I think I once did a 3 course meal. That was before I had children.) I cannot manage a theme birthday party with handmade invitations and goody bags and decorations and a fancy cake. So I host parties on the playground and serve un-fancy cake.

It's not that I'm a simplicity snob. I don't think that my family style dinners are better than other people's four course meals. In fact I think that four course meals are marvelous and I often wish I were the kind of mother who could do the adorable themed birthday parties. I certainly wish I were the kind of person who could produce a platter full of twee cupcakes with marzipan penguins on them.

I was at a different birthday party today, hosted by a mother who also has this birthday party thing down. There was a table of snack things, a counter of drinks and there was cake and singing. My younger son managed to crumble his scone into every corner of the living room. {Sorry, (not)Maud! The offer of a crumb hunting beagle still stands.} Kids played. Parents chatted. I discovered that a good friend of (not)Maud used to be good friends with good friends of mine and that we had used the same birth educator.

That is really the goal of getting people together: to celebrate milestones and to connect with each other. That doesn't require fancy cakes or four courses. It requires that you give people something from the best that you have and that you accept something from the best that others have. If you happen to have a gift for penguin cupcakes, then sharing that is appropriate. If you happen to have a gift for finding the best Indian take-out in the area, then sharing that is appropriate. The Leftoverist makes an excellent argument that even a McDonald's apple pie can be a loving invitation to community. (If you don't already read In Praise of Leftovers you really should.)

Don't over-think your efforts to host others. Hospitality doesn't have to photograph well. It just has to create a space of welcome.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Butter(less) Chickpeas

On Monday morning I got a call from a client, warning that my services would be needed soon. The threat of labor makes me pretty efficient. I filled and ran the dishwasher, cleaned the sink, took the boys grocery shopping, got the groceries put away, fed the boys lunch, emptied the dishwasher, made snack and dinner for the boys, filled the dogs' water, cleaned the dog' ears, and put the flowers in the vase. I spent the rest of Monday at the birth, watching a skilled nurse-midwife facilitate the VBAC my client wanted despite circumstances that might have sent some providers running for the operating room. It was a great birth, the baby was perfect and I'm glad I was there to witness it. But it meant that I didn't get to bed until 2:00 in the morning. When I say that I am a morning person, I do not mean 2:00 in the morning. A mere five hours later the sun was up and my children were up and my husband was getting ready to leave for work. I had a follow-up scheduled for...
10 comments
Read more

Making Christmas

Years ago, when my parents married, my mother asked my father what he would like her to make for Christmas. He asked for Julekake, a Scandinavian Christmas bread. It was common in the bakeries in my father's childhood Chicago, but it was more difficult to find in the small Army towns where my father was posted, so my mother found a recipe, and baked her own. We ate it with eggs or bacon or sausage every Christmas breakfast of my childhood. My mother baked simple round loaves studded with raisins and candied cherries. When I grew up I swapped out dried cherries for the candied ones. I baked it in the oven of my boyfriend's apartment before I went to share Christmas with his family, inhaled the scent of them to make it Christmas when the traditions around me were not my own. I've discovered that the fruit is not mandatory, though I'd never leave it out. A braid is traditional, and I'll make a braided loaf when I have time, though for gift giving I ...
9 comments
Read more

Brown-Butter Buttercream Birthday Cake

Brown-Butter Swiss Meringue Buttercream I have come here today to confess to Almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters that I have sinned.  In full knowledge of the importance of birthday cakes , I did willfully try to get away with making a pound cake for a friend's birthday because I didn't want to be bothered with frosting a layer cake. My feet were only set back on the path to righteousness by a stern rebuke from my friend's husband. (Okay, not a stern rebuke, but "statement of my friend's mild preference" seems sort of anti-climactic, doesn't it?) And, as it turned out, a different friend of mine had spurred a thread about brown butter over on Facebook and I had filed away the phrase "brown-butter buttercream" for future use. So I decided that if I was going to frost a cake I was going to do it with style. The first step is to brown the butter, which is a simple matter so long as you're willing to hang around the kitc...
9 comments
Read more